Fred Phelps is Dead

http://www.cnn.com/2014/03/20/us/westboro-church-founder-dead/

Fred Phelps did not represent my understanding of what it means to be a Christian. But if I treat his death like a holiday or rejoice in it (or Ted Bundy's or even Hitler's death) then I also  fail to represent my understanding of what it means to be a Christian.

As John Donne said so long ago, no man is an island, and every man's death diminishes me. We are all grains in the sand of humanity, and to encourage and be entertained by the death or destruction of another makes me less of a person in the long run. It's a tough line to walk because I want to hate Phelps. I want to despise him for his venomous statements and his hate-mongering and his propensity to showboating and grandstanding at what should have been personal, private occasions. But if I do, I fail as a member of my own faith, and I fail myself.

So, I'll let Donne sum up my thoughts with his own words:

No man is an island entire of itself; every man
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as
well as any manner of thy friends or of thine
own were; any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom
the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

And besides, I'm lying if I even try to believe my filthy rags aren't just as dirty as Fred's or anybody else. I'm just better at hiding them behind civil behavior.

To hate is the devil's work

So, a friend of mine posted this: "If God is love then why do Christians spread so much hate? Rather than cast a stone, love and pray for the person. To hate is the devil's work."

Because he asked, I responded, and I figured I'd share it here too because I get asked this a great deal by people who know me, both my faith and my personality (and try to make sense of putting the two together).

Speaking as a Christian, by and large it's a cultural thing. Since Constantine, Christians have held the power to define morality for the rest of culture. And as we're starting to lose that, it has a lot of us in a sort of attack mode in order to safeguard our territory morally. That's it, I think, in a nutshell for the bulk of cultural Christians nowadays.

On the other hand, there are those who genuinely are trying to show their love by trying to encourage others to "turn from sin." And too often because the language used is "we're right, you're wrong" it comes off as hateful, when even in many cases, it's not hate, it's zeal to see their friends and love ones "get saved" or become "right."

However, in many times, even that seemingly hateful speech is coming from a heart that loves, but doesn't know how to get attention other than shouting rather than taking the time to get to know people as people first.

A friend of mine once compared it to this story, which I think really helped me have more patience for those folks...

A man drove along in a torrential downpour, and just barely missed driving off a cliff where a bridge had been washed away. He looked around for a "bridge out" sign but the rain was too heavy and no one could see it. So he started running through the street trying to stop the oncoming traffic and tell them that the bridge was out and they were rushing to their doom.

In doing so, though, some thought he was crazy, and others thought he was rude. I'll believe it when I see it, others thought.

A simplistic tale, I'll warrant, but it does help to explain the viewpoint of a person of faith and zeal. If someone truly believes he or she is doing a good and loving thing by shouting that the "bridge is out," it is an action done out of love, no matter how the hearer interprets the words or actions.

Now, that doesn't mean that the warn-er doesn't need to learn to speak with compassion and tact, and the onus should be on him or her to do so.

And then there are those who have redefined anything short of abject approval as hate. I only use gay rights here below because it's the most violently discussed among such topics, it seems.

There is the acceptance of a person as a person of value and worth, and then there is the full acceptance of everything that person believes and does -- and we currently live in a world that seems to be unable to realize (or value) the difference between those two things. To be able to value and love a gay person and yet not condone everything that person does should be one of the things that makes us human -- the ability to disapprove of someone's actions and still approve of him or her as a human being created in God's image. Telling someone you believe their actions are wrong isn't hate speech. Calling out violence against someone because you disagree with their lifestyle or actions, however, is hate speech. No matter the issue -- abortion, politics, gender rights, sexual preferences, religion, etc. -- we are each created in the image of God, and therefore we have the ability to form our own opinions. That also means we should be able to hold such opinions in a world where we will be disagreed with often, period.

And we need to all put on our big-boy and big-girl pants and deal with the fact that people will disagree with us.

Are you a religious person who bemoans the fact that the world is changing and that its idea of morality is different than yours? Get over it. Put on your big-boy pants.

Are you a non-religious person who wants people who do believe a faith to shut up and stop talking about it because it's infringing on your so-called rights to not have listen to opinions you disagree with? Get over it. Put on your big-girl pants.

Are you gay and hate it that there are people you will never win over to support you and believe as you do? Get over it. Put on your big-boy pants.

Are you straight and want to change the world so that the rest of the world goes back into the closet and doesn't rain on your parade? Get over it. Put on your big-girl pants.

How do I feel about the topic? I feel like regardless of what I think about it, that it shouldn't be able to come between us and keep us from being friends (or at the very least, friendly).

In other words, vote based on your worldview. Get involved in organizations that you believe in. Be pro. Be con. But be human. Don't wear your crap on your sleeve if it makes you an asshole. Believe what you will or what you won't, but don't let it keep you from all kinds of people. Don't let it build walls between you and the rest of humanity.

Then again, there are those from all viewpoints -- militant religionists, millitant non-religionists, militant genderists, militant non-genderists, militant racists, militant non-racists, militant pro-abortionists, militant anti-abortionists, militant pro-gay, militant anti-gay, etc. -- who seem to relish the hateful attitudes because it's easier to fight straw men than to honestly address the real issues of any subject. And to those who embrace hateful attitudes who still claim to be Christian and to be basing that on the fact that you're following Christ, well, I  have trouble believing any of those people truly Christian in any way, shape, or form.

But then, these are just my opinions. If you don't like 'em, you don't have to. Put on your big-boy pants. *grins*

Mourning Romance?

When romance seems (operative word here is 'seems') to die, don't mourn it. Celebrate it. It means that there is a deeper love to experience beyond mere romance -- and that you've finally grown mature enough to see the wondrous truth of that fact. Then enjoy the surprise when youthful romance pops back into your life from time to time to pay a visit when you can relish it without becoming dependent on it it as the viable "proof" of a relationship.

It's like suddenly getting your full sight when you've been partially blind all your life. Suddenly you can see the sky and the stars but can't fully explain them to people who still just see spots and blurs and think that's the end-all, be-all of actual vision.

Just a little something I've been thinking about lately.

Happy 25 Anniversary to my best friend!

For those who have given up on the idea that one man and one woman can love each other for a lifetime, that marriage is merely an antiquated notion of a bygone era, or that people can't be expected to learn how to compromise and be a team rather than be lead by the "what's in it for me?" mentality, I submit to you my best friend, Lisa Taylor.

If this otherwise sane woman can put up with my quirks, failures, selfishness, temper, general childishness, emotional/psychological need to live as a writer, fandoms, fascination with flirting, apparent inability to keep food on the table, and ego (in spite of all that), then I believe there is hope for ANY couple.

If I could have a New Year's wish for all those reading it would be simply this: I wish for you the same kind of self-sacrificing, enduring, patient, determined love with your loved one that I have found with this absolutely astounding woman.

But, that said, you can't have this one. She's mine.

Questions and Answers (A Reversal)

I think one of the biggest problems with our contemporary approach to faith and religious thought is that we spend far too much time looking for answers to mysteries and questions and far too little time exploring the mysteries and questions themselves for what they can teach us.

I think mostly of a generation that grew up with the song (and the concept of) "Jesus Is the Answer." To the generation that wrote that song, it meant something because they lived in a world where everything was in a topsy-turvy whirlwind of change, and where everyone was full of questions about what made life matter. But for each generation since, they grow up not having a clue what the actual questions are, just a vague platitude that hey, Jesus is the answer, so stop looking around already.

Another example, too often finding AN answer is seen as finding THE answer. When people ask, "Where is God when I'm hurting, or when I'm suffering?" it's too easy to simply to give a pat answer of "he's right there with you" without ever exploring what it means, and what suffering can teach us, or why pain can be both a helpful and a hurtful thing. When we think about the questions, we often find them leading to more questions, not mere answers than can be recorded and stored away in a filing cabinet somewhere in our brain.

When we find AN answer, it gives us a reason (although a wrong one) to stop exploring the question. It gives us a reason to move a step away from one group (searchers) to another, "better" group (knowers). It is the first step in our moving from people who need Jesus to people who need answers. And answers ultimately do not satisfy our souls.

Our contemporary quest is for knowledge, an intellectual experience of knowing answers and data and "stuff" -- not a quest for Christ himself. Questions should lead us to the who has the answers and ultimately IS the answer, not to a list of answers we can rattle off and publish about or build religions around.

John Fischer on Little Brown Birds and the Kingdom of Heaven

"According to Bill, who wrote us about the birds at his backyard feeder: Heaven is going to be full of little brown birds. 'I am avid about backyard birds,' he wrote, 'and have spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to feed the cardinals and blue jays, without attracting all the house finches and sparrows.  One day I realized that I am one of the little brown birds in God’s human flock and that changed my attitude.  I now thoroughly enjoy feeding all of the birds that show up in my yard.'

"This is a great metaphor for what we so often get wrong about the gospel. We say the gospel is for everybody, but we don’t necessarily mean it. We like to associate with pretty people, upwardly mobile people – attractive types who give a good face on what we believe. We also like to associate with people who are like us — people of the same race, same economic status, same political beliefs, who send their kids to the same schools. We gravitate towards sameness and find comfort in the familiar.

"But the gospel of Jesus Christ is big and wide and messy. It is for everyone, even people we don’t like. It is for those on both sides of the tracks — those we admire and those we would rather not associate with."

-- John Fischer (http://catchjohnfischer.wordpress.com/2013/07/11/little-brown-birds/)

Happy birthday, U.S.A.!

It means different things to different people, but it had to start somewhere. Happy birthday to this amazing land of immigrants who are still arguing and working together to create something fair and free in the world.