Unringing the Bell?!

"You taught me how to love you, baby

You taught me, oh, so well
Now, I can’t go back to what was, baby
I can’t unring the bell
You took my reality
And cast it to the wind
And I ain’t never gonna be the same again"
-- Bob Dylan, "I Ain't Never Gonna Be the Same Again," from Empire Burlesque

I think this song sums up the process of deconstructing and reconstructing my beliefs and describing my faith journey. I believe Dylan used the 3 or 4 albums after his evangelical phase to try to really figure out his relationship with the church and faith itself. He often used the metaphor of a romantic relationship to make these points (just like in Song of Solomon). 

Herein is where he captures my thoughts and my heart. The church taught me love. The church taught me how to extend grace to myself and to others. The church taught me to seek peace, not conflict. The church taught me to see others as above my station (not take the seat at the head of the table). The church taught me to do unto others as I would have them do unto me. The church taught me to turn the other cheek, not to strike back, to put down the sword, to beat swords into plowshares. The church taught me to be humble in regard to my own holiness and rightness and to be loving and forgiving in regard to others. 

She "taught me, oh, so well." Because of that, "I can't go back to what was... I can't unring the bell." Understanding the love and grace of Christ "took my reality and cast it to the wind" so much so that I can't stop but to act on it in regard to others. 

Even if, especially if, I no longer understand or support contemporary evangelicalism's focus on having to be true theological right, having to be a political power that can "reclaim" our Christian nation status (that we never have been) by making all the laws reflect our theological viewpoints, and by creating enemies of those who don't believe rather than loving them with tenderness, kindness, humility, and gentleness to show them the peace (not anger and not judgment) of God in our own lives.
So yeah, in spite of my harsh words toward the church, I still believe. In spite of my disdain for the way the word "christian" can taste in my mouth someting thanks to the way we stain it, I have seen truth, and I still follow. I love the church, and I want to see it become something truly Christlike and to stop playing at restoring the power that came from being culturally beloved, community empowered, nationally protected -- we have a lot to answer for post-Constantine. I think if we were still fighting for our lifes in our faith rather than fighting for the last word in our communities, states, and nation, we'd understand far more the true nature of following. 

"Sorry if I hurt you, baby
Sorry if I did
Sorry if I touched the place
Where your secrets are hid
But you meant more than everything
And I could not pretend
I ain’t never gonna be the same again"
-- Bob Dylan, "I Ain't Never Gonna Be the Same Again," from Empire Burlesque

So, yeah, I'm sorry if my words can feel like I hate the church sometimes. I don't. But I do hate some things about it. I do hate the Christian nationalist cause it has allied itself with. But I've seen the secret depths of the faith, the things that changed hearts, including mine, and I believe we are trading those in for something lesser. We are trying to unring the bell, at least culturally. Having seen that, my passion can become anger and yes, can even sound like hate if I'm not careful. Thankfully, I have my wife to let me know when I cross that line. 

Even so, I can't help but still believe (thank you, Michael Been). I can't unring the bell once my ears have been opened. 

"What good am I if I know and don’t do
If I see and don’t say, if I look right through you
If I turn a deaf ear to the thunderin’ sky
What good am I? ..."
- Bob Dylan, "What Good Am I?", from Oh Mercy

Some of you may remember the old spiritual gift inventories that churches would take to determine where a person's gifts and talents might lie. They were really little more than a sort of religious Meyer's Briggs, but they could certainly be helpful in understanding ourselves. Well, without fail, every time I took one, I ended up high on prophecy. Now, before you think I'm psychic, that doesn't mean predicting the future. It simply means speaking to the church to deliver news that was usually bad news. God didn't tend to raise up a prophet just to say, "Hey, folks. Things are great. You're really rocking it down there. Keep it up." No. Most of the time, the message was "You've screwed up so bad I'm going to send you into another county as a conquered people so you can remember who you're supposed to be."  It's similar to when Paul called out the churches for rottenness in his letters. 

So, obviously, I've always been one to address the church, and not to shy away from talking about the shortcomings. According to those inventories, it was my gift and my calling. Remembering those things, even today makes sense of my life and my passion. There are others to sing Kumbaya and hold hands and talk about all the great things the church is doing. Not my calling. 

What good am I if I still believe and say nothing? I ain't never gonna be the same again. 

Updated and inspired by my previous post from here.